The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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