Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
