Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
