roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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