Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
