At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
