Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
