"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
