Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
