Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize