Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
