Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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