She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
