just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
