Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
