drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
