We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
