So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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