check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
