so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
