you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize