That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
