Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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