the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
