Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
