This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize