I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize