I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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