I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Randomize
