no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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