two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
