I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
