If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I checked into jail on foursquare
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
