i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
