We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I've blown a few things in my day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
