i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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