That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
