god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
