why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize