We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
