Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
