DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
