had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
