Its about making memories worth repressing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
