i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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