Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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