its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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