his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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