yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
