ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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