I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
