Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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