Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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