So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
