Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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