my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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