If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
