I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just gift wrapped bread.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
